Last week our granddaughter came round on Friday evening - and we said goodbye to the 4 year old girl for the last time. The following day, we said hello to her as a five year old for the first time. She was a little confused on the Friday evening, saying that it wouldn't be the last time we saw her, and we explained that it would be the last time we saw her when she was four years old, as the following day she would be five years old. She had been excited about her birthday for at least a week beforehand, telling us everyday (and sometimes twice a day, or more often!) that it was her birthday on Saturday.
That joy and excitement is something that wanes after a number of years - and once we get to September, I know that it isn't long until my birthday. I'm pleased to say that the one coming up seems to have been a long time coming - and that is fine with me, as it means that I have spent the past year enjoying life and trying to make each day count. As we get to three weeks to go, I am more inclined to forget about it. For several years, I have found the month or 6 weeks leading up to the day, to be a time when I am more prone to be maudlin. I don't know what it is, or why I feel this way, but it is a distinct feeling of 'something not being quite right'. This year will be the first one without my mum, which could account for some of the feeling. For several years, I've had to lay down some rules in our house - that the lad we look after doesn't mention his birthday until at least a week after mine is over - his is a month after mine. This year has been an exception for him, as he's been hassling me in a different way - he has been desperate for me to come up with a birthday list.
The birthday list - this is something that we've done in our family for years and years. We write a list of the things that we would like - and that way, people have a choice of things to get you, and they then communicate with others to make sure that there are no duplicates. We do the same at Christmas, and it always used to be a chance to look through various catalogues (Argos, Boots, Lakeland, WHSmith...) to choose things. This year has been more difficult for me - what do I really want? Is there anything that I really need? The answer to both these questions is a fairly resounding 'no'; oh there are things that I quite fancy having - a full set of Inktense pencils, some geocoins to add to my growing collection, a set of Chameleon pens, the Disney Castle Lego set (not to mention the Death Star and new Millennium Falcon sets) - but I can live without all these things - and my life will be no better and no worse if I don't have them.
So, what do you get for the woman who wants for nothing? I don't mean to imply that I have everything I could ever wish for - I mean, an Avante 18 Handiquilter would be simply amazing, but it comes with a large price tag, and I don't need it, as I am quite capable of using my Elna Pro Quilters Dream, with an ironing board set up beside me to carry the weight of the quilt. I don't wear a lot of jewelry - it takes a bit of effort on my part to remember to put on a necklace or some earrings to go out to the quilting group - but I do make the effort from time to time - just not every day. I don't wear make-up (although, I think that I need to start looking for some, in preparation for the pantomime - some that will show up), and I don't need anymore perfume, body lotions, handcreams or body butters - I'm trying to use up the collection that I have got. I don't need more crochet hooks or sewing needles, I certainly do not need any more fabric (anyone will tell you that, but that doesn't stop me indulging from time to time...). I have the books I want to read, and can visit a library to borrow the ones that I don't own. There are few films that I want to watch over and over again - and those I do want to watch, I generally have already. So you see, trying to come up with a birthday list really is quite a tricky exercise.
Choosing what to do on my birthday has never really been a problem. This year I will be going along to my quilting group, as I usually do. In 2013, I did several things that I enjoy - I'd just got a Sissix die cutting machine, so I went to buy some dies and other things to use with it; the same day, I also went to find some geocaches, and then went for an MRI scan in the afternoon. Why mention the scan? I mention it, because it was something new for me - something I hadn't experienced before. In the evening, we watched 'Yellow Submarine' - a favourite film of mine, that I had received as a present that day. The following year, for my 40th, I had it all planned out - I had decided that I wanted to make it to 1000 geocache finds on my 40th, that I wanted find 40 on that day - all on Dartmoor, and to make find #1000 a special adventure. This required a lot of preparation, including lots of geocaching trips in the weeks leading up to my birthday - to make sure that I would not fail in the challenge that I had set for myself. An extremely early start on the day - up at 5.30am, out of the house by 6.45am with all the equipment - torches, candle, change of clothes, wet weather gear, and food...and we managed it.
So where does feeling maudlin come into it all? Could it be the change of seasons, the darker mornings, the nights drawing in, the days seeming grey more often than not? Is it another chance to look back on the past year, and consider what has been achieved? Whatever the reason, at this moment in time, I can quite appreciate a regular item on my mum's birthday list - the latest Dick Francis novel, and a box of Maltesers; a present that allows us to escape into another world and indulge ourselves at the same time - and that is probably the best present of all.
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