And.....relax!

Some people can let things wash over them - and I'd like to think that generally I am one of those people. However, from time to time I encounter those petty annoyances, which seem to get blown out of all proportion, and stay on my mind. Over and over and over again, I replay scenes in which I give a piece of my mind and tell it like it really is - or at least, how I see it from my side. This morning my heartrate is still up, due to events yesterday, because I can't seem to get myself out of this funk, this state of frustration. This can mark the start of a downward spiral, as I know that obsessing over these scenes I'm playing out in my mind creates stress and anxierty. This is why I'm writing this post today - in an attempt to let loose my frustrations, without resorting to being as petty as what has prompted all of this.

So, the more I think about the whole situation, the more I play out imaginary future scenarios in my head, which results in me wanting to do very little with my day, - I certainly don't want to leave the house, but I know that I will leave, and I will arrive at a semi-pre-arranged meeting, and be all sweetness and light. Woebetide anyone making any comment, as it is entirely likely that I will tell it like it is - or at least, how I see it.

I used to shy away from confrontation. I wouldn't say that I seek confrontation now, but I will put my point of view across, and I will not allow others to take advantage of me or my generous and helpful nature. I have learned that I need to take time to do what is right for me - that if I don't take care if myself and my needs, I can't expect others to do it for me. Saying yes to things to help people out is a lovely thing to do. So many of us do it regularly, and we can feel good about it. However, it is possible to suffer from compassion fatigue - that we have given so much that we have forgotten to give something to ourselves; we should not be in a position where we have given so much of ourselves to other people, causes and charities, that we have nothing in reserve for us. Here is a thought - it is alright to say 'no' from time to time. We know that we always have that right over our bodies, but we have a right and a responsibility to say 'no' when asked to give of our time. The first part in looking after other people, is making sure that we look after ourselves - how can we take care of othes effectively, if we can't or don't take care of ourselves?

Another aspect of the situation that has got my goat, is the lack of thought and understanding. One meme that I see regularly on Facebook, is this: Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.

How true this is - so many aspects of my life have changed in the past year - and so many things in our household. How many more changes have happened in the past two or three years - if you were to take them all and write them down, it woukd seem like a soap opera. Now that may sound like an exaggeration, but when you are living it, it is no exaggeration. So, the lack of understanding has come about from a lack of thought - the inability to see a bigger picture, to consider what is going on for other people, and how they may be feeling. As I expressed some of this yesterday, it was suggested to me that perhaps someone wasn't coping very well. I considered this, and having got back into the way of thinking as a foster carer, I started to mull it over. All behaviour is trying to tell us something, what I need to do is look beyond the behaviour, and try to see what need is not being met. So, this is what I have done - I can see a need for validation, a need to be important, a need to be the centre of attention, a need to be heard and listened to. I will try to address some of these needs later in the day, despite my feelings about the whole situation. Having calmed myself down by putting all of this is writing, I think that I may be ready to try to soothe some ruffled feathers.

While we may see ourselves as the ones in the right, there does come a time when we need to step down, in order to maintain the moral highground. We may feel that we are giving in, but those of us with understanding and knowledge need to rise above the pettiness that will invade our inner peace. It is a case of losing the battle to win the war. We have to do what is right for us, without doing (or not doing) something that would intentionally hurt someone else.

If you have found yourself in a situation where you don't understand someon's behaviour, try looking at it from a different point of view. Is there something in their history that would account for their actions? Is there something going on in their life or household that is outting pressure on them? Is there the possibility that sknething is going on that you have no knowledge of? YES, yes, yes, yes. All these are distinct possibilities. Are they always on hand, always the first pirt of call in an emergency? Are they a 'giver' - someone who gives of themselves willingly, never asking or expecting anything in return? Even these people, as easy-going as they usually are, get fed up of being there, of giving, of not being appreciated. Sometimes, the 'giver' needs to stop givign for a while, and become the taker. They need favours done for them, they want to be the ones to get visitors, not always be the one visiting. They need to be asked 'How are you? Is there anything I can do for you? What can I get you?'

We, in our turn, need to make sure that we are taking time for ourselves - not at the expense of others - to recharge our batteries, and get back to our old selves again. We need to find that tine to relax, and out it all in to perspective.

The pen is mightier than the sword: amazing, how I see this in the same light today, ut in a different light at the same time. Having committed all these thoughts and ideas to this post, I feel much calmer. It isn't all about getting the rage out, but channelling the raw energy into something productive. Now I feel ready to tackle the tasks ahead, including working on projects that I've started but not yet completed.

Be kind. Always.